Me: *watching Phineas and Ferb*
Dad: Aren`t you a little old to be watching Phineas and Ferb?
Me: Yes. Yes I am.

You know when you walk into a room and forget why you went in there? Thats God playing sims, he just canceled your action.

boy:"feel my shirt" girl:*feels shirt*.... boy:"what material is it?" girl:"I don`t know... cotton.." boy:"Nope, boyfriend material.."

It`s the worst when you answer a question in class and the teacher responds with, ....."Ok who can tell us why this is wrong?" It`s even worse when like 10 hands go up

I was bored and decided it would be fun to pretend to be an undercover cop and pull over other cars. The first car I pulled over was a real undercover cop. FML

Son, why are your eyes so red?
-Yes dad, I`ve been smoking weed.
-Oh thank god! I thought you`ve chopped onions, I don`t like you using knifes when I`m not home.

TEACHER: where`s your book?
STUDENT: at home.
TEACHER: and what`s it doing there?
STUDENT: having more fun than me.

My girlfriend broke up with me yesterday. As she was leaving, she yelled "You need to grow up!". I don`t know what has gotten into her. It`s probably because i didn`t give her the password to my secret fort.

Dear Students, I know when you`re texting in class. Seriously, no one just looks down at their crotch and smiles every five minutes. Sincerely, Teacher.

BEST PRANK EVER. . I took my friend`s phone and changed my contact name to mom.
Then texted her: I read you diary. You are grounded and I`m coming to pick you up right now. She started flipping out and got really scared

*boy whispers to his mom during a wedding*
boy: Mommy?
mom: What?
boy: Why is the girl dressed in white?
mom: Because it`s the happiest day of her life.
boy: So then why is the boy dressed in black?
mom: ....

You miss the days when you could safely push someone into a pool, now you gotta worry about the iPod, the cellphone, maybe a PSP, you push someone in, it costs you $939.