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The teacher asks Timmy "why is your cat at school today?" Timmy says, crying "Because I heard my daddy say to my mommy Im going to eat that pussy when the kids leave. so I m saving him!"




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Once you start to dislike someone. Everything they do begins to annoy you. I Hate when My Parents Ask Who Im Texting. Don't PLAY With Me ! Coz I know I Can PLAY Better Than You Why does a round pizza come in a square box? Why doesn`t glue stick to its bottle? Why do you still call it a building when its already built? If you aren`t suppose to drink and drive, why do bars have parking lots? funny world. Math is the only place where I hear someone doing ridiculous things. FOR EXAMPLE, "John has 30 chocolate bars, he eats 23, what does he have now?" DIABETES?? MAYBE???!!! Dear Children, When you look under your bed, what exactly are you planning to do when you find me? Sincerely, The Monster. The right way to kiss a girl ♥ Push her up against the wall Hold her hands up with yours Feel Her breathing pattern Kiss her Like You always Meant it ♥ You wanna no why i fell for you? because i love you. You made me happy. You were the first one to make me feel like i was special. You made me laugh when i just wanted to cry. You fixed my broken heart. You looked at me like i was the only one. The person who really loves you see what a mess you can be, how moody you can get, and how hard you are to handle. But still wants you in their life. Boy: can i touch your software? Girl: show me first your hardware Boy: can i install it in your system? Girl: OK! if you cover it with anti-virus first!!

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  • You wanna no why i fell for you? because i love you. You made me happy. You were the first one to make me feel like i was special. You made me laugh when i just wanted to cry. You fixed my broken heart. You looked at me like i was the only one.
  • Me: *watching Phineas and Ferb*
    Dad: Aren`t you a little old to be watching Phineas and Ferb?
    Me: Yes. Yes I am.
  • hug me and I"ll hug you back, kiss me and I"ll kiss you back, love me and I"ll love you back, but if you touch my VODKA, I will kill you ;-)
  • Jack and Jill went up the hill to smoke some marijuana, Jack got high, pulled down his fly, and asked Jill if she wanna. Jill said yes, pulled up her dress, and had a little fun. But stupid Jill forgot the pill, and now they have a son
  • Missing someone isn`t about how long it has been since you have seen them or the amount of time since you`ve talked. It`s about that very moment when you`re doing something and you wish that they were right there with you.
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