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Me: "Mom and Dad finally know how to text!" Friend: "And?" Me: "Now I can text them when I`m drunk instead of calling... they will never know!"



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Once you start to dislike someone. Everything they do begins to annoy you. I Hate when My Parents Ask Who Im Texting. Don't PLAY With Me ! Coz I know I Can PLAY Better Than You Why does a round pizza come in a square box? Why doesn`t glue stick to its bottle? Why do you still call it a building when its already built? If you aren`t suppose to drink and drive, why do bars have parking lots? funny world. Math is the only place where I hear someone doing ridiculous things. FOR EXAMPLE, "John has 30 chocolate bars, he eats 23, what does he have now?" DIABETES?? MAYBE???!!! Dear Children, When you look under your bed, what exactly are you planning to do when you find me? Sincerely, The Monster. The right way to kiss a girl ♥ Push her up against the wall Hold her hands up with yours Feel Her breathing pattern Kiss her Like You always Meant it ♥ You wanna no why i fell for you? because i love you. You made me happy. You were the first one to make me feel like i was special. You made me laugh when i just wanted to cry. You fixed my broken heart. You looked at me like i was the only one. The person who really loves you see what a mess you can be, how moody you can get, and how hard you are to handle. But still wants you in their life. Boy: can i touch your software? Girl: show me first your hardware Boy: can i install it in your system? Girl: OK! if you cover it with anti-virus first!!

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  • hug me and I"ll hug you back, kiss me and I"ll kiss you back, love me and I"ll love you back, but if you touch my VODKA, I will kill you ;-)
  • * Katy Perry's living her Teenage Dream.. Lady Gaga's ignoring her Telephone.. Travie McCoy's is a Billionaire.. While Justin Bieber is having a Baby.
  • Me: "Mom and Dad finally know how to text!" Friend: "And?" Me: "Now I can text them when I`m drunk instead of calling... they will never know!"
  • Boy: can i touch your software? Girl: show me first your hardware Boy: can i install it in your system? Girl: OK! if you cover it with anti-virus first!!
  • *boy whispers to his mom during a wedding*
    boy: Mommy?
    mom: What?
    boy: Why is the girl dressed in white?
    mom: Because it`s the happiest day of her life.
    boy: So then why is the boy dressed in black?
    mom: ....
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